A Very Honest Insight :)

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(This is a very honest and sensitive post)

Hey, I haven't posted properly in a while and for that I'm sorry. I absolutely love writing on my blog and I get a lot of happiness from it :) I write this different post after months of receiving lessened love from people I thought to be 'family' and 'best friends'. But I promise my posts will pick up again after this has published! :)

Some days my mind feels paralysed. But I am strong. This is not one of my usual cheery posts as I have been making sure I only write when I am in a good state of mind, but after receiving major changes in love from people I no longer consider my family, I am going to put the record straight once again. I have severe depression and anxiety. I have panic attacks due to silly things, main one being fear of trichotillomania returning. (Hair pulling). The thought of this terrifies me and I refuse to talk about it because it triggers me quite badly. I am feeling as though I am stuck, glued, cemented into my bed. I have so much fear bottled up inside me and no amount of sleeping can rid me of this. I am going to be a good mum, the best mum I can be. Just because I have these niggles going on does not effect my love or determination for my baby. I will protect her. I feel it is so important for me to write this as it is very easy for someone who doesn't understand the battles of anxiety to quickly judge and turn nasty. I am fighting a battle everyday, an invisible one to many. But I choose to keep it that way on purpose. My loved ones know how much I struggle, but I will never be beaten by cruel words because believe me, my head says crueler. What I wanted for anyone who decides to read this to get out of this post is not for self gain, I want those who are struggling themselves to see that anything is possible. Life is a battle, but it is also beautiful. Anxiety and irrational fears of hair pulling do not effect the love I receive from MOST friends and family. Open up, talk to your loved ones. Be free. If you ever need someone to talk to message me and I will be your shoulder, I know how it feels to be alone in this so we will eliminate this lonely option for you now! :)

When you are having a bad day just remember you are lucky to be able to have this day, it does wonders when you are struggling but take time to look up to the sky and think "I have this day". Above all else, when the going gets tough, love this life and make the most of it. I know these feelings will lift one day over time, and through it all I will have love. So will you. :)

Sending you love,

Rosie Lily xo