Anxiety & 800 Views

Instagram - @rosyarabella

Hey :)

Today has been one of those days where going out just isn't a thing, however duvet and Netflix have been very real. As I'm sat here I'm having doubts about writing these things down for anyone to see as they are very personal and leave me feeling quite vulnerable. Although, as most of you know, through YouTube and blogging I have always been very honest and open in a hope to help others come to terms with their mental health. Still, my heart pounds and my palms are clamming up slightly while I type this. Something shocking happened on my doorstep which has left me feeling like an egg shell that is just seconds from having too much pressure applied and close to cracking. I won't go into too many details as the people who need to know already do, but lets just say it involved an awful lot of fire and explosions. The image in my head is still very vivid and I keep jumping when I hear noises that I didn't expect. I find myself wide-eyed looking out the window to check nothing is happening, and my sleep has been a bit disturbed. (Not by baba this time!)

It is safe to say I am in complete shock at the moment but I have my nurse coming to talk things through and to get everything off my chest, so I am feeling hopeful that my high anxiety and panic attacks will subside again once she has visited me. I have been doing so well and I am so proud of myself for making a life for my little family and me. I am so excited for the future when we have little baby girl in our arms and I know that I will be strong for her. To be honest, even with the description I wrote above about what happened, I'm pretty sure anybody would be feeling the way I do right now so I'm trying not to blame myself too much for feeling like I do. Has anything ever happened in your life that has just left you feeling so shaken up and panicky? Oh gosh I hope I can move on soon.

Instagram - @rosyarabella

Onto a slightly more positive note, I am absolutely adoring my beautiful flat. It really feels like I am finally home and I am so excited for what is on the horizon. When baby girl is here (her name is still a secret) she will have such a lovely place to start her life in and I'm feeling very grateful to those of you who got splattered with paint helping us! :)

In my bedroom I have some absolutely lovely things including my vintage style white dressing table along with floral stool! I love it so much and I sit at it every morning to do my hair and make-up. It also holds most of my hair bows and other bits and bobs which I will show you sometime. Just looking around my room makes me feel so happy and cheery and I can't help but smile when I see the cot that my boyfriend built in the corner next to our bed. I know soon she will be wriggling around in that instead of my tummy! Hehe!

Instagram - @rosyarabella

So I thank you for taking the time to read this, my blog has been active for just under 4 weeks now and it has just reached 800 post views so I am feeling like I am getting my creative life back on track - who knows, videos soon? Also, my personalised blog design will be active tomorrow! :) 

I wish you all a happy and safe Monday evening, I shall be spending it reading a nice book and having a hot bubble bath.

Rosie Lily xo